Understanding ACT Therapy: A Guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

You've probably heard about Acceptance and Commitment Therapy—or ACT—and wondered what makes it different. Here's what I want you to know: ACT isn't about eliminating difficult emotions or "fixing" what feels broken. It's about learning to move through life with your feelings, not against them, while building a life that actually reflects what matters to you.

In my work with clients across Singapore, Dubai, San Francisco, and Jakarta, I've seen how powerful this approach can be—especially for people navigating intense work environments, relationship transitions, or the complex juggling act of modern life. If you're in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and looking for something deeper than surface-level coping strategies, this might resonate with you.

What Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy?

ACT (pronounced as one word, like "act") is a mindfulness-based therapy that focuses on psychological flexibility—your ability to be present with what's happening, accept what you can't control, and take action toward what truly matters to you.

Instead of asking "How do I get rid of this anxiety?" ACT asks: "How can I live meaningfully, even with this anxiety present?"

This shift changes everything. Rather than spending energy trying to eliminate discomfort—which often makes it worse—you learn to make room for it while still moving toward your goals. It's grounded in both behavioral science and mindfulness traditions, developed in the 1980s by psychologist Steven C. Hayes.

What draws me to ACT in my practice is how well it honors the complexity of being human. I see therapy as an integrative process that recognizes the interplay between your biology (nervous system, physical health), psychology (thoughts, emotions, beliefs), and social world (relationships, environment, culture). ACT fits beautifully into this biopsychosocial framework because it doesn't just address what we think or feel—it considers how your whole system responds to stress and how your daily rhythms support or hinder healing.

The Six Core Processes: How ACT Actually Works

ACT isn't a linear process—it's built on six interconnected principles that work together to build psychological flexibility. Think of them as different pathways to the same destination: a life where you're less controlled by fear and more guided by purpose.

1. Acceptance: Making Room for What Shows Up

Acceptance doesn't mean resignation or liking what's happening. It means stopping the exhausting fight against what you're experiencing internally. When you're anxious before a big presentation or grieving a loss, acceptance is the willingness to feel those feelings fully rather than pushing them away or distracting yourself.

In my work with clients dealing with work stress and burnout, I often see how much energy gets drained by trying not to feel stressed. Acceptance redirects that energy toward what actually helps.

2. Cognitive Defusion: Unhooking from Thoughts

Your mind generates thousands of thoughts daily. Some are helpful; many aren't. Cognitive defusion teaches you to step back from your thoughts—to see them as mental events, not absolute truths.

When your mind says "I'm not good enough" or "This relationship is doomed," defusion helps you recognize: that's a thought your mind produced, not necessarily reality. You can acknowledge it without letting it dictate your next move.

3. Being Present: Anchoring in the Now

So much suffering happens when we're replaying the past or rehearsing the future. Mindfulness—being present—brings you back to what's actually happening right now. It's noticing the sensation of your breath, the temperature of your coffee, the expression on your partner's face during a difficult conversation.

This matters especially in couples work. When partners can stay present with each other rather than getting lost in narratives about what always happens or what might happen, real connection becomes possible.

4. Self-as-Context: The Observer Within

This is the part of you that notices everything else—the stable awareness beneath the changing weather of thoughts and feelings. No matter what emotion you're experiencing or what story your mind is telling, there's a part of you that can observe it all.

Cultivating this observing self creates space and perspective. You're not your anxiety. You're not your depression. You're the awareness experiencing these things, and that distinction is profoundly liberating.

5. Values: Your Personal Compass

Values aren't goals you achieve—they're directions you move in. They answer the question: What kind of person do I want to be? What matters deeply to me?

Maybe you value authenticity, creativity, connection, or contribution. These become your compass. When you're facing a difficult decision or feeling stuck, your values point the way forward.

I spend significant time with clients exploring values because this is where therapy truly lands. When you're clear on what matters, even hard choices become simpler.

6. Committed Action: Living Your Values

This is where everything comes together. Committed action means doing what your values call for, even when it's uncomfortable. If you value connection but feel anxious about reaching out to a friend, committed action is making that call anyway.

It's not about grand gestures. It's about consistent, values-driven choices—showing up for the relationship conversation you've been avoiding, setting a boundary at work even though it feels scary, or starting that creative project despite self-doubt.

Why ACT Fits My Integrative Approach

In my practice, I don't see therapy as just talk. It's about rewiring, re-patterning, and reimagining how you move through the world. ACT aligns perfectly with this vision because it engages multiple systems:

Your nervous system: Through mindfulness and acceptance, we work with your body's stress responses rather than against them. You learn to recognize when you're in fight-or-flight and develop ways to return to regulation.

Your thought patterns: Through defusion and self-as-context, we change your relationship with the constant stream of mental commentary that can fuel anxiety, depression, or relationship conflicts.

Your behavioral patterns: Through committed action, we focus on what actually sets you up for change—how you structure your days, how you respond in relationships, how you handle challenges.

Your environment and relationships: Because I also draw from Relational Life Therapy, I'm interested in how your values show up in your closest relationships and how the rhythms of your daily life either support or undermine your wellbeing.

This isn't just about reducing symptoms. It's about building a life that feels more connected, grounded, and true to who you actually are.

What ACT Can Help With

In my practice, I use ACT as part of an integrative approach for:

• Anxiety and panic attacks: Learning to be with anxious sensations rather than fighting them, while taking action despite fear

• Depression: Reconnecting with values and taking small steps forward, even when motivation is low

• Work stress and burnout: Especially relevant for clients who've experienced intense corporate environments or high-pressure work cultures

• Relationship challenges: Using acceptance and values to navigate conflicts, disconnection, or major transitions

• Grief and loss: Making room for painful emotions while still living meaningfully

• Self-esteem struggles: Unhooking from self-critical thoughts and acting in line with who you want to be

• Trauma responses: When combined with other approaches, helping you engage with difficult experiences without being overwhelmed

For couples, I integrate ACT principles into the intensive work we do together, helping partners stay present with each other and take values-driven action in their relationship, even when things feel hard.

How I Work With ACT in Practice

In Individual Sessions

Whether you choose weekly sessions for ongoing support or an intensive format for focused, accelerated progress, ACT techniques weave through our work. We might use:

Experiential exercises that help you practice acceptance, defusion, or mindfulness in real-time. These aren't just intellectual exercises—they're designed to create felt shifts in how you relate to your internal experience.

Metaphors and imagery to help you understand complex concepts in a visceral way. Sometimes a good metaphor does more than a dozen explanations.

Between-session practices to help these skills become part of your daily life. I provide mindfulness practices and exercises you can use when difficult moments arise.

Values exploration to ensure we're always moving toward what matters most to you, not just away from discomfort.

In Couples Work

All couples begin with a customized Couples Counselling Intensive—either an Exploration Intensive for building clarity around a specific challenge, or a Deepening Intensive for more sustained transformation. ACT principles help couples:

• Stay present during difficult conversations instead of getting hijacked by reactivity

• Accept that discomfort is part of growth in relationships

• Clarify shared and individual values

• Take committed action toward the relationship they want, even when it feels vulnerable

The Practical Side: What to Expect

My intake process begins with a free 15-minute consultation where we explore whether we're a good fit. If we move forward, my Client Care Coordinator, Mei, handles the onboarding process. Your first session includes goal setting, what I call "parts mapping" (taking your history), and experiential meditation and mindfulness practices you can use between sessions.

Once we're working together, you'll have my WhatsApp for scheduling questions, receive session reminders, and have access to mindfulness practices tailored to what we're addressing. In rare cases after particularly intense trauma-related work, I offer additional support between sessions to ensure you have what you need.

The Science Behind ACT

Research consistently supports ACT's effectiveness. Studies show it performs as well as—and sometimes better than—other established therapies for anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and stress. What makes ACT particularly powerful is its focus on psychological flexibility, which predicts long-term wellbeing across various life domains.

Multiple research reviews have demonstrated significant improvements for people dealing with everything from workplace stress to OCD to PTSD. The approach works across different cultures and contexts, which is important given that I work with clients in Singapore, Dubai, San Francisco, and Jakarta—each with unique cultural considerations around mental health and wellness.

What matters most to me isn't just symptom reduction (though that often happens). It's whether you're living a life that feels meaningful and aligned with who you are. ACT has strong evidence for helping people achieve exactly that.

ACT Alongside Other Approaches

In my practice, ACT doesn't exist in isolation. I integrate it with:

Internal Family Systems (IFS): While ACT helps you relate differently to your internal experience, IFS helps you understand the different parts of yourself and why they do what they do. Together, they create a comprehensive approach to internal work.

Relational Life Therapy: For couples and relationship work, combining ACT's emphasis on values and committed action with RLT's focus on relational patterns creates powerful shifts.

Perinatal mental health support: For clients navigating pregnancy, postpartum, or the transition to parenthood, ACT offers tools for managing the intense emotions and identity shifts that arise.

This integration reflects my belief that effective therapy honors your complexity. You're not just your thoughts, not just your behaviors, not just your relationships—you're all of it, interconnected. My approach considers how you sleep, move, eat, connect, set boundaries, and manage stress, because all of these either support or hinder your healing.

Is ACT Right for You?

ACT might resonate if:

• You're tired of trying to "fix" yourself or make difficult feelings go away

• You want to understand why you do what you do, not just change behavior

• You're looking for practical tools you can use in daily life

• You value authenticity and want to live more aligned with your true self

• You're navigating major life transitions or relationship changes

• You've experienced intense work environments and need strategies that work in high-pressure situations

• You're dealing with cultural adjustment challenges as an expat or someone living between cultures

Having been through intense work environments myself and witnessed startup life as a spouse, I speak the language of high-achievers who are also deeply human. I understand the pressure to perform while also wanting to live meaningfully. ACT offers a framework for doing both.

Moving Forward: From Understanding to Experience

Reading about ACT is one thing. Experiencing it is something else entirely. The real work happens not in understanding the concepts intellectually, but in practicing them when you're anxious, when your relationship feels stuck, when you're overwhelmed at work, or when you're questioning your path.

That's where therapy comes in. We don't just talk about acceptance—we practice it. We don't just identify values—we explore what it actually means to live them, even when it's hard. We don't just discuss committed action—we plan specific steps and work through what gets in the way.

If you're in your 20s, 30s, or 40s and ready for transformative change—whether individually or as a couple—I'd welcome the chance to explore whether we're a good fit. I offer both online sessions (for clients in Singapore, Dubai, and San Francisco) and in-person sessions in Jakarta.

The path forward doesn't require having it all figured out. It just requires willingness—to be present with what is, to clarify what matters, and to take the next right step, even when you can't see the whole staircase.

If this approach resonates with you, reach out for a free 15-minute consultation. We'll talk about what you're experiencing, what you're hoping to change, and whether my integrative approach—which includes ACT alongside IFS, Relational Life Therapy, and mindfulness practices—matches what you're looking for.

Because therapy isn't just about feeling better. It's about living better, more fully, more authentically. It's about building rituals, relationships, and rhythms that support who you're becoming. And sometimes, it starts with simply accepting where you are right now and taking one small step toward where you want to be.

Ready to explore ACT therapy in Singapore, Dubai, San Francisco, or Jakarta? Reach out to schedule your free 15-minute consultation and learn more about how we can work together—whether through weekly individual sessions, intensive individual work, or customized couples intensives.